Life as we know it...

Today is November 16...in 24 hours, I will be lying in an operating room waiting for you to be born. It's hard to believe that it's already here! It's so exciting and overwhelming at the same time. On one hand I can not wait to meet you and hold you and love you more than I already do now. On the other hand, I am scared out of my mind and worried about both of our health and safety, and wondering how I'm going to know how to take care of you and if your dad and I are going to be good parents.

I joked a few months ago that if people had to go through the childbirth classes first no one would have babies. Then I told another girl who is pregnant and about two months behind me that birth is nothing to worry about that you get to a point when all of your reservations disappear and you're just ready for the baby to come because you're uncomfortable. Well I think all of those fears about giving birth disappear and suddenly it becomes all about you and the life you knew changing forever.

Life as your dad and I know it is about to change entirely. And I know and trust that it will be for the better, that you are the best thing that could ever happen to us, but it's such a big, scary step. In one day, you'll be looking up at us and depending on us for EVERYTHING! It seems so insignificant when you're talking about having a baby with the person you love more than anything in the world. And you spend 9 months taking about the perfect name for you, and how we'll raise you, and the life we dream of for you. We talked about discipline and laughed about you saying your first swear word. And daddy dreams of the day he can take you hunting and the first time he'll teach you how to ride a bike. And I look at this man I've chosen to be your father and am completely amazed at the faith and trust he has in me to be your mother. And you begin to wonder if you're worthy of the love you are going to give to us. I already know that I love you unconditionally. While it was such a shock to learn that you were joining our lives, it has never been anything but amazing...and now, instead of giggling when you kick me, I'm going to have you in my arms and it's just a little hard to believe that the Lord has picked your dad and I to lead you through this life.

Peanut, you should know that every doubt your dad and I have are because we love you so much. I promise to you that no matter what, we'll be here for you. I can't promise life will always be easy and that you will get everything you want. But you'll be loved by daddy and I more than you will ever know. I know that there will be days as you get older that you'll hate the food we make you try, or tell us how uncool we are, or get mad because we tell you no, but it's all because we love you.

I know tomorrow when I look at you, everything in this world will be right and you'll suddenly become the most important person in the world. And I can't wait for that. We're lucky parents to be so blessed with you...and I can't wait to watch you grow up.

xoxo,
mommy